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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

two-faced?
2003-02-22, 2:24 a.m.

dreaming while you're sick is an interesting thing. this was the one i had today, after vomiting profusely and blocking off all the light to my room in an attempt to thwart the immense headache i had.

there are two halves of me, engaging in infinate battle. there is half of me, and her name is melphina. she is dressed in white, and her face is kind and pretty. she's got red hair and green eyes. she smiles so sweetly; i know that she embodies all that is good, pure, and honorable. she urges me gently to quit smoking, keep healthy, and do things that are good and right. she whispers to me that premarital sex is bad, stealing and lying are wrong, and i shouldn't say some of the things that i do.

the other half is named lil. she's a beast, dressed in black, with black hair and violet eyes. she's got this mischevious grin and a devilish twinkle in her eye. she tells me that anything is ok, as long as i don't get hurt and as long as it feels good. look like a freak, break hearts, do as you wish. have as much or as little sex as you want, with as many or as few people you want, have sex with men, have sex with women. do drugs, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, go where ever and do whatever you want, when ever you want, without worrying about other people. listen to all the music - mean, hard, heavy, angry...whatever.

then, there's me in the middle. plain old lindsay, who has a kind smile, but a devilish twinkle in her eye. she dresses in colour. she smiles sweetly, but she breaks hearts sometimes. she smokes, but she knows she shouldn't. she's had premarital sex but she doesn't really approve, she's done drugs but she doesn't anymore, she has drank but doesn't care to much anymore.

then i woke up. i have the weirdest dreams.

so after a meal of soup with lots of crackers, grape kool-aide, and a ham and cheese sandwich, and a hot bath, i feel much better. i think i was just having a migraine, and throwing up was just a side effect. either way, today sucked.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~