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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

it's independance day?
2003-05-22, 10:57 a.m.

current mood: frustrated, to say the least. depressed, too. how fun.

current song: shiver by coldplay

so i look in your direction
but you pay me no attention do you
i know you don't listen to me
'cause you say you see straight through me don't you

on and on from the moment i wake
to the moment i sleep
i'll be there by your side
just you try and stop me
i'll be waiting in line
just to see if you care

did you want me to change
well i change for good
and i want you to know
that you'll always get your way
i wanted to say

don't you shiver shiver shiver

i'll always be waiting for you
so you know how much i need you
but you never even see me do you

and this is my final chance of getting you

on and on from the moment i wake
to the moment i sleep
i'll be there by your side
just you try and stop me
i'll be waiting in line
just to see if you care

did you want me to change
well i change for good
and i want you to know that you'll
always get your way
i wanted to say

don't you shiver shiver shiver

sing it loud and clear
i'll always be waiting for you
yeah i'll always be waiting for you

and it's you i see but you don't see me
and it's you i hear so loud and clear
i sing it loud and clear
and i'll always be waiting for you

so i look in your direction
but you pay me no attention
and you know how much i need you
but you've never even seen me

life is one hell of a strange complicated mess, and i think that all this confusion is quite unnecessary.

i tell myself to snap out of it, and to ignore it, that things like that just don't happen to unpopular, ugly, overweight, annoying girls like myself.

i want them to, but girls like me don't get what we want.

we get that which we settle for. which brings me to a question; why does one much like myself settle for less than she's worth?

yes, indeed, self-esteem is quite the factor, then include the fact that when a girl, such as myself, goes for what she wants, she's usually shot down.

it's said that girls like me are wanted, but where, i ask?

i mean, look at me. i'm a 20 year old video game and anime addict. i'm quite content sitting on my ass and playing halo, or driving an hour and a half north to play ddr, or sitting around somewhere watching japanese cartoons. i'm nothing spectacular to look at. i'm "too smart", which when said usually means something like "you know too many pointless facts that i don't know, and i('m) don't like it (jealous)". i'm often looked at as one of the guys, which is all well and good sometimes, but not when you want to be a girl, because then they look at you funny. i'm too independant because i can work and make my own money, and change my own fucking oil and tear most of that damn car apart if i have to, and still cook, clean, sew, and do laundry. i can take care of myself.

maybe...maybe i don't need anyone...

but i have this thing where i long for affection.

not independant enough.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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