Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

rock & roll heaven.
2004-06-14, 9:43 a.m.

current mood: helpless.

current song: auf achse by franz ferdinand

you see her
you can't touch her
you hear her
you can't hold her
you want her
you can't have her
you want to
but she won't let you

she's not so special so
look what you've done, boy
she's not so special, son
look what she's done, boy
now you wish she'd never
come back here again

you see her
you can't touch her
you hear her
you can't hold her
you want her
you can't have her
you want to
but she won't let you

she's not so special, son
look what she's done boy
she's not so special so
look what you've done, boy

now i'm nailed above you
gushing from my side
it's with your sins
that you have killed me
thinking of your sins i die
thinking how you'd let them touch you
how you'd never realise
that i'm ripped and hang forsaken
knowing i will never rise
again

such a beautiful, sad, angry song. i can see the samurai singing it to me in my head. i'll say nothing in my defense - there's nothing left to say. he's right, and there's nothing i can do to change it.

i am nothing but a pill-popping, lying, drug using, cheating lush. i'm almost just like my mother, but not quite. see, she somehow has the strength to wake up each day and do what she's supposed to do.

i don't.

i am dying. there is something seriously wrong inside of me, and no amount of anti-depressants or "mood enhancers" or things i do to forget what i've done can change it. i honestly think that i am going to die very soon.

i suppose that's best for everyone, anyways. i mean, really - i'm sure that there are plenty of people out there who would think that life would have been 100x better if i had never existed, and it'll at least be 10x better if i cease to exist.

i'm not going to commit suicide, though. honestly, i'm too scared. plus, i've tried it before and it didn't work. i'm sure that my body will just stop working soon, like everything else in my life.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


sign in for me, would you, dears?
get your own guestbook here