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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
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tarot at the boy.
2004-06-27, 4:46 a.m.

current mood: intrigued...

current song: no music. just carr, the blowfish, and daze lee talking.

so tonight at the boy, curlyhair read my tarot. the results were very interesting. it seemed pretty true...uncertanty, fear, doubt, et cetera. all the usual things: bad past, controlling figures in my life, wild love life. and then, when she expounded a second time, some interesting things came up. the first three cards i drew were the tower right side up, the world right side up, and death inverted. if you know anything about tarot, you know that those three cards are the most influential cards in the deck, and can either mean certain doom or incredible luck, depending on how you draw them.

i drew the tower as where i am right now. it means a re-evaluation, necessary change, or blessing in disguise. it was crossed by the world, which means fulfillment, completion, satisfaction, joy, wholeness, and success. i pulled three pentacles, all inverted. a loss of lots of money, in my distant past, near past, and in the far future. great.

the most interesting part of all this is where the death card inverted was placed. it ended up in my immediate future, and it means stagnation, loss of opportunity, loss of friendship, and fear of change. in how i felt about myself i pulled strength, which means strength, willpower, compassion, patience, courage, triumph, and fortitude. in how everyone else views me i pulled the emperor inverted, which means weakness, immaturity, failed ambition, status driven, tyrannical, and untrustworthy. in hopes and fears i pulled another pentacle right side up; wanting more money. and ending the whole spread i pulled temperance inverted, which means impatience, lack of foresight, conflict, quarrels, and domestic strife.

basically, what the whole spread meant to me was that i'm going through a lot of changes. i've lost money, and i'm going to lose money for a little while longer. i think i'm on the right track, but i'm not - i think i'm strong and courageous but i'm coming off as tyrannical and egotistical. and in the end, i'm not planning anything and i'm going to get into a lot of trouble because of it. i'm starting fights i can't win. i'm ignoring things that need to be taken care of. i'm running from my past and my problems.

it's also strange that i got so much major arcana in one spread.

i wanted her to expound upon this but she couldn't - she stops at the magician and that was the next card i drew. the deck wouldn't let me see past the next important choice i have to make. unfortunately, i don't know how to choose.

i'd better make a decision soon - i've got three months. i've lost my mind a bit, because i just don't care anymore anyways. it seems that no matter what i do, i'm stagnant. i'm not moving anywhere, i'm just...waiting, i guess.

yes, waiting for my doom.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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