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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

muse, curly, nurse, life.
2004-06-26, 11:49 p.m.

current mood: not too bad, but still not too good.

current song: time is running out by muse

i think i'm drowning
asphyxiating
i wanna break the spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
i wanna play the game
i want the friction

you will be
the death of me
yeah, you will be
the death of me

bury it
i won't let you bury it
i won't let you smother it
i won't let you murder it
our time is running out

and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

i wanted freedom
but i'm restricted
i tried to give you up
but i'm addicted

now that you know i'm trapped
sense of elation
you'll never dream of breaking this fixation

you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
i won't let you bury it
i won't let you smother it
i won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
i won't let you bury it
i won't let you smother it
i won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

how did it come to this

i smell like tacos. working in a mexican resturant is no fun, really. i'm so glad i don't have to work until 3 tomorrow. the darvocet is kicking in, and pink floyd's great gig in the sky started playing on the launchcast radio thingy. god, i feel like i'm in high school again - getting stoned on painkillers and sitting up on the internet at all hours of the night.

the boy just went to bed. i think he's mad at me because i never want to sleep. i don't know what's wrong with me. i never do.

so i have a new friend. i'll call her nurse - it's a long story. at any rate, she's beautiful, smart, interesting, and funny. she's a junior in college, was working two jobs and going to school, and still finds time to do almost everything she wants to do. she's got more motivation in one finger than i have in my whole body. did i mention the fact that she's only eighteen years old and a fucking junior in college? if that doesn't say something about her, i don't know what does. oh yeah, she's a philosiphy major. needless to say, i'm envious of the girl. envious, however, in a good way.

she and i have been friends since january, pretty much, but up until recently it was a once in a while thing. the other night i realized that i can talk to her better and easier than i can talk to most people in my life, and that she's a lot like me, or how i used to be, rather. now not only do i want to hang out with her a lot, but i want to steer her away from becoming anything like me. she's a good gir, though, she doesn't need any help really. i guess i've become her psychiatrist as of late...

i have no problems with this arrangement, however, because she is one of the only people on earth known not only listen to my advice, but to acknowledge it. she thinks i'm someone great, and it's nice to have someone with a high opinion of me around. she doesn't get mad at me for my faults, nor does she nag at me. she listens to my insane babble. we have intelligent conversation. she and curly are the only two people who know my true motivations and ideas and goals as of late.

oh, mazzy star came on. that's making this entry even easier to write. that and the pain pills.

i wish i would have known nurse sooner - i would have made her a maid in my party. that might just happen if mesmer keeps acting the way she does - blowing me off when i try to take her to get fitted and such. i don't know.

oh my god. ben folds five's for those of y'all that wear fanny packs just came on. that makes me happy. it makes me think of the litte drummer boy.

i wonder how different things would be if i'd have tried to pursue something with him. though, he and i had a talk when he came up here, and we talked about how we pretty much were just using each other at the time. he's one of those guys that i wish it hadn't been that way. he and i had so much in common, and he was fun.

this entry is turning into a long one. i think i'll wrap up since i'm just rambling and go get a cup of coffee.

oh life - life is bigger than you and you are not me.

out.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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