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uneasy, and not easy. current song: he cried by morrissey. i need you simple words but words which had never been heard by the soul stoned to death but still living and so he froze where he stood and he looked to the ground and he cried he cried ride our minds if you must but there's always a line you don't cross time is short don't be cruel oh you don't know the power in what you're saying and so he froze where he stood and he looked to the ground and he cried he cried people where i come from they survive without feelings or blood i never could was stoned to death but i'm still living so he froze where he stood and he looked to the ground and he cried he cried so he froze and he looked and he looked to the ground and he cried he cried and here i am, in the dark, smoking and listening to morrissey. here i am, kicking myself, talking to the only one i can - this little white box. this faceless voiceless unfeeling and benevolent entity who merely collects the things i think like a bit bucket. everyone else i know is drowning in their own sea of problems, and everyone else i know would never understand. he doesn't know that i exist. he especially doesn't know that i exist in the state i'm in. i am eternally grateful for those two things; unknown love that is unrequited is so much easier to deal with. there is no rejection. there is no temptation. i can control it if it's only in my head. but god, if he ever found out...everything would be over. everything. and this time i have too much to lose. is there anything to gain? and yet i'm still lost in these idle fantasies. these fantastic hallucinations, better than any drug i've taken; better than any fever i've had before. i'm indulging myself in this unreality. i have a husband. i love him madly. but i can't let go of this, and i don't know why. stop it. stop it, stop it, stop it. this invasion within my own head, storming my heart and swaying my feelings. let it go, lindsay; let him go. let everything go and empty your head, and remove yourself. you used to be able to do it; why can't you now? walk away. it used to be so easy. why isn't anything easy anymore? ~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~ get your own guestbook here |
