|
lost again, and still wandering. current song: sometimes wanna die by joydrop. don't worry about one thing don't worry about nothing she said i'm not gonna let this one go nobody's on my side nobody seems to see how much how deep how far these things can be my eyes are dry and i my eyes are dry and i just don't even know you i still wish that i could hold you i sometimes wanna die and everywhere i go and everyone i see somehow almost sets me free and the space where we meet is different from the rest and i just can't seem to forget that my eyes are dry and i i just don't even know you i still wish that i could hold you i sometimes wanna die i sometimes wanna and you were at the start and now you are the end and you left me with nothing to defend i need the voice of a good friend can't stop myself from laughing no matter how sad these things can be these things can be my eyes are bright and i i just don't even know you i still wish that I could hold you i still don't even know you i sometimes wanna die oh, that's a great idea, lindsay. put on some radiohead. smoke another cigarette here in the dark, talking to a little white box drowning in the middle of the sea of cyberspace. you broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not. and wish, and pray. keep that little fire alive; the one where you never met him in the first place. the one where the girl who introduced you never did it. the one where your husband isn't drifting off because you're pushing him away. the one where you still think you know what love might be, and that's good enough. go back to the place where the butterflies in your stomache that flutter every time you see him don't exist. go back to the place where you don't smile like a fool every time you hear his voice. what the fuck is wrong with me? why the fuck can't things just go according to plan? i was supposed to be married and suburban and happy and fake. i was supposed to be able to turn everything else off. damn it. maybe i should tell him how i feel. that would drive him away, for sure, and then it would drive away this longing. rejection would cure my infatuation. but maybe i'm not ready to let him go. and maybe i'm not ready to let jeremy go. and maybe i'm just stuck. i keep pulling the hanged man and the magician, back to back. every time. no matter how hard i shuffle. and no one wants to deal with me in the state i'm in. i'm whiny and broken and depressed and stuck and i'm acting out against the world weather they're trying to help me or not. and i apologize to the few people who are listening, because i know they all don't want drama. and i apologize to the people who aren't listening anymore because i've once again pushed them all away. the hedgehog's dilemma. no one can love me through all my quills. god, all i want to do is hold him in my arms and smell him all around me and wipe away his tears. i want him to love me. this isn't about sex. it's never been about sex. god, i don't know. what the fuck is this? ~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~ get your own guestbook here |
