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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

presto change-o?
2006-03-13, 1:51 a.m.

current mood: torn.

current song: missing the war by ben folds 5

all is quiet
his tired eyes
see figures jotted down
and clothes all strewn around
the bedroom floor
now nothing's adding up
and nothing's making sense
she's sleeping like a baby
she doesn't know he wasn't
meant for this

i'm missing the war
i'm missing the war all night
missing the war

he drives home again
pissed and beaten
it's really no big deal
it happens all the time
it's no big deal

i'm missing the war
missing the war all night
i'm missing the war

till beads of sunlight hit
me in the morning
so much time so little to say

time may fly
and dreams may die
the shaking voice that tells him go
still thinks he might
he knows he won't

i'm missing the war
missing the war all night
missing the war

i feel like i am missing the war, here. and i can blame no one but myself; my own foolish eagerness and my own lack of motivation. i could be in so many places right now. i could be off in nashville. or going to school. or with that boy that i've fallen for so hard it hurts. i could be anywhere but here. i don't understand why i feel the way that i do anymore. i don't understand where my devotion went. i don't understand why the grass is indeed always greener somewhere else.

i can't connect with jeremy anymore.

and this boy; he intoxicates me. i can't push him out of my head. i can't push out the thoughts that wander in, begging me to act on them. all i want to do is...i just want to kiss him. just once. just to see what it's like, just to see what's there. maybe there isn't anything there. maybe there won't be one volt of electricity and i can let this go. maybe it will feel terrible, maybe i will feel terrible. i have to restrain myself sometimes as i catch myself thinking about it. it's getting harder to deal with. and jeremy is getting harder to deal with.

in fact, my whole life these days is getting harder and harder to deal with. this is usually the point where lindsay packs everything she owns into her car, closes the bank account, and takes off into the sunset for warmer climes and uncharted territory. leaving something old, searching for something new, giving back the something borrowed, and painting over the something blue. and i make myself over and blow into a whole new town and meet new people and break their hearts. i want to get in my car and drive it until i run out of gas and just start over. start over where no one knows where i've been, and they don't care. i want to forget. i want to dissapear...

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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