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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

on sleep and sleeping.
2006-06-03, 2:51 a.m.

current mood: blissfully mellow.

current song: the sound of the air conditioner.

beams of orange sherbert streetlamp weave their way in through the windows, washing everything in a dusky pale light. i'm so tired, and yet my mind won't shut down, and i felt the need to write. i get so overcome by these foolish thoughts and silly emotions; dreams of fleeting happiness wafting through my head, the same colour of moonlight and streetlamp on pale, perfect skin. i can't help it when i get the urge to write, no matter how tired i am or how drained or angry or sad. it's all just fuel on the fire. but where all those feelings are just splashes of lighter fluid, happiness is a gallon of gasoline and the fire lights up underneath me.

the modem is singing its high-pitched lament again. i hate that noise, piercing my eardrums, reminding me that the real world is still out there no matter how secure i feel in this place right now.

and god, is he beautiful. so beautiful it makes my skin crawl when he touches me, so beautiful i can't look. it's a strange feeling. but he's sleeping, and i am not. i am biding my time, wispering orison, allowing my fingers and my brain time to do what they must before i can shut down as well. be still, my bittersweet heart.

and i am trying to close out the world out there, trying to let my worries wash away, trying to relax. it's harder than it sounds. my body is tense and nervous just like usual, no matter where my mind is. i'm watching the smoke stretch and curl in the air like a cat in a ray of sunlight, and my mind is empty - empty save for the words that emerge through the inky black as though through a magic 8 ball and i'm rambling and not making the slightest bit of sense. alas, the calvary of language charges through, and there is nothing i can do to stop the horde but allow it passage to this tiny box.

i'm going to try and rest some now. i hope that my mind will take the hint and allow some restful sleep, for once. that's all i want; peaceful, dreamless, and refreshing. i have a lot to do tomorrow.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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