|
depression rears its ugly head, once again. current song: cold hands (warm heart) by brendan benson cold hands warm heart we just need some time apart and everything will be okay oh no not again why does it always happen? it seems like every other day you're too quiet i'm too loud now we've rid a storm cloud i'll see you on the other side old habits young ways maybe we're just a phase but we can say we really try and it really shouldn't be this hard you know it really shouldn't be and if we can only see it this far well then i hate to say it but it's obvious i'm telling you girl there's no future for us all talk no action so what's the big attraction and don't tell me it's just because all work no play don't wanna go on this way i wanna go back to the way it was and it really shouldn't be this hard you know it really shouldn't be and if we can only take it this far well then we've got to end it before it's too late the love that is left turns quickly to hate cold hands warm heart we just need some time apart and everything will be okay being sad is something that happens all the time, though. i'm feeling inadequate again, blaming the failings of others on myself, and i'm scared to death that i'm going to start my usual bout of self-sabotage. it's so cyclical...and i can feel myself rounding that curve again but i don't know what to do about it. managing my emotions has become quite the sisyphian ordeal. it's been 49 days since i last wrote here, and yet i can think of nothing to say. i could whine about my job, i could cry about my financial situation, but those things all seem so trivial; no, moot. there isn't any point to any of that. and my brain is dysphasic, and nothing's coming out right again. and i'm feeling so lost and so lonely and so tired. i've been trying so hard to get myself out of this hole that i worked so hard at digging so deep that i've got dirt everywhere now. everything's a mess, everything is wrong. i'm in love with a man that i fear is too good for me, and i've fallen out of love with a man that i swore i'd love forever. but he lied too; he made too many promises that he knew in his heart that he could never keep. and he hid so much of himself from me until it was far too late. and now i can see it in his eyes, he's begging me to stay and i just can't. i can't do it anymore. and the weather and the season aren't helping one bit, and i am falling, i am fading, i am drowning, help me to breathe... ~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~ get your own guestbook here |
