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it wasn't supposed to be a rant... current song: no music, just the sound of the tv in the other room. i suppose that sometimes i turn the world into something beautiful and dramatic to try and hang on to my last bit of innocense. writing the way i do, with my similes and metaphors and romantic language allows me to pretend that there is still beauty and goodness in a cold, cruel world. i know that people are bastards - rapists, murders, drug addicts, abusers, liars, cheats, thieves, etc. etc. etc... but i like to pretend that i am still doing some good in this world, and that there is still appreciation for people like me out there. i want to help those in need. but i can't save the world from themselves. it's also why i don't feel bad about being mean to people that deserve it. i don't play into the imaginary pain of my seekers. i feel no sympathy for the people that ate their way into a bariatric treatment center. i have no compassion for anyone who put themselves into a hole. i will help as much as someone will let me, but after that i expect people to get up and help themselves, and therein lies the problem... no one wants to help themselves anymore. no one wants to take charge of their life, no one wants to solve their own problems. instead of getting a job and working to pay their bills, they expect people like me who are scraping by to pay for them - through welfare and medicaid. they sell their foodstamps for drugs. they have children to get more wic. i'm tired of picking up mothers with louis vitton handbags who can't afford antibiotics for their children, and pulling kids out of houses with big screen tvs where the parents can't afford to feed them. i'm tired of picking up people off the street who spent their last dime on a fix and need somewhere warm to sleep. people are lazy, selfish, heartless bastards. i'm more tired, though, of looking into the eyes of people who have nothing left, not because they're lazy, not because they don't try, but because they can't get what they need. the elderly who are in shitty nursing homes where no one takes care of them because they can't afford anything better. the people who are turfed from a hospital because they can't afford to pay. the homeless - most of which are war vets with nothing left, or mentally ill and unable to take care of themselves - who starve and freeze to death on the street. i was watching a show on mtv, i think it was called "my super sweet 16". there are people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on their spoiled rotten little girl for her birthday. i couldn't believe the audacity; this girl picked out a brand new $75,000 car and when her father said no she cried and screamed and kicked her feet until he bought it for her. i would love for that girl to come and ride along on my ambulance for just one day, so she could see what the real world is like. i'm so tired of celebrity bullshit and the decadence of the rich, it makes me sick inside. how do people not see what i see? how can these people be so blind to the problems in this world? this has turned into a rant, and i never meant for it to be. it just breaks my heart that there are people living in this world that have no where else warm to go than into the back of an ambulance. and that's why i try and make things seem prettier than they are - because i know that they're not. ~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~ get your own guestbook here |
