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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

a postcard from dallas.
2007-03-20, 1:44 a.m.

current mood: reflective.

current song: when the night feels my song by bedouin soundclash.

i'm on a rocky road
heading down on a mountain slope
and as my steps echo echo
louder than before

another day is done
say goodbye to the setting sun
see what i found
it'll turn back to the ground
just like before

hey hey hey
hey beautiful day


when the night feels my song
i'll be home
i'll be whole

into the undergrowth
twist and turn on a lonely road
in the twilight the day turns to night
and i'm alone

and when the light has gone
i'm not sure of my every step
or of the wind that pushes me west
back to my bed

hey hey hey
hey beautiful day

when the night feels my song
i'll be home
i'll be whole

i haven't been able to write since i got here, in texas, last wednesday. i sat down once, i think it was friday, and pulled up this little box here and tried to think of something - anything to put down for people to read, and i couldn't. and then about 5 minutes ago, it occurred to me:

i have been relaxed since i got here.

i don't mean the physical sort of relaxed. i mean mentally; i have had the clearest head i've ever had in my whole life since i stepped off of that plane.

i don't think that it's specifically due to my physically being in the state of texas. i think that it's because i haven't been able to let go of everything around me in quite some time, and being on vacation has been just the excuse for my brain to slow down from its usual 90 thoughts a second to a far more leisurely pace. i've taken photos. i've laughed with my friends. i've eaten local cuisine and seen sights and drank liquor and done all the things that normal people do when they're on vacation, and i haven't looked back. my tactile senses have been in overdrive. i've been experiencing things as if i were a child all week.

my god has it been wonderful. it was just what i needed.

dallas is a sprawling and beautiful monster of sorts, awkwardly growing faster than the terrain will let it. fort worth is twice the size of toledo but feels twice as much like home. the air is different; it isn't technically cleaner or more aromatic, but it is in its own special way. life seems nicer. the grass is most certainly greener. and there are things to do, people to meet, places to see, and jobs to work. i couldn't possibly have had more fun down here...except if i could have brought a few select people from toledo with me.

and now, here i sit; the delicious breeze drifting in from the window in little bursts, washing over my skin. the sound of life and civilization distantly mixed with rustling leaves and the hum of the refrigerator. i can almost taste it; there is life out there and i want to be in the midst of it. i have things to do, places to go, and people to meet, and i have a life to live. life in ohio is quickly reaching unbearable. i was meant to be a southern girl.

i'll be going back to nashville in may, and i'll see if it's just the south i've been craving or if i really have fallen in love with texas. because it's entirely possible that i have become enamoured with this delicious monster, i want to be fair and give nashville its chance. i did fall in love with that beautiful place first.

but tomorrow - tomorrow i fly back to the frozen north. back to my problems. back to my failed relationship and my wretched life in a lonely apartment that i still haven't moved into all the way. back to work. but back to all the people who make life in ohio worth living; the people who love me, and the people i love back. and i would not trade my friendships for all the gorgeous high-rises or scenic countryside in the whole world. but i might trade them for a sonic.

just kidding. goodnight my darlings.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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