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teardrop on the fire. current song: tear drop by massive attack. love love is a verb love is a doing word fearless on my breath gentle impulsion shakes me makes me lighter fearless on my breath teardrop on the fire fearless on my breath nine night of matter black flowers blossom fearless on my breath teardrop on the fire fearless on my breath water is my eye most faithful mirror fearless on my breath teardrop on the fire of a confession fearless on my breath most faithful mirror fearless on my breath teardrop on the fire fearless on my breath stumbling a little it is as if though i'm now looking at myself in the third-person, gazing in disbelief, shaking my head...asking "what am i going to do with you?" i don't know what is wrong with me. i don't know how to fix it. i don't like anything but it seems as if i have no control at this point and i have defaulted back to sitting idly by and allowing things to happen. i am enraged on the inside at numerous injustices and my own apathy and enraged at my caged position, and outwardly i am just staring blankly at the wreckage, wondering where to begin. i've become emotionally bankrupt in my personal life and massively embittered with my job. it's like someone said to me once, "you're just prolonging the inevitable". i didn't want to believe it at the time, but now i've come to accept it. it's true. i feel as though i am unimportant again. and i am wondering if this is my fate...was i too brilliant and outstanding for too long? have i already shone and faded with the coming dawn? i never thought that i was brilliant by any means, but have i squandered what i did have? oh god, lacrimosa has come on. so beautiful, and so sad. i'm seriously considering checking myself in somewhere. unfortunately, i'm smart enough to know that everything that i don't want to deal with now will still be there, waiting for me, when i get out. if i get out. that thought kind of scares me; am i so damaged that they would keep me? i suppose that it is plausible, however unlikely. i also don't want to be any greater of a burden than i already am. i just don't know if i can do this anymore. any of it. ~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~ get your own guestbook here |
