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~*~ the here and now. ~*~ the done and gone. ~*~ who am i? ~*~ find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~ what they've said about me. ~*~ feel left out? ~*~ get pretty. ~*~

overmedicated.
2008-04-28, 12:37 a.m.

current mood: overmedicated. i never really thought there was such a thing.

current song: because i'm the master of good ideas, i've got radiohead's in rainbows playing. we're on track 5, all i need.

i'm the next act
waiting in the wings
i'm an animal
trapped in your hot car
i'm all the days
that you choose to ignore

you are all i need
you are all i need
i'm in the middle of the picture
lying in the leaves

i am a moth
who just wants to share your light
i'm just an insect
trying to get out of the night
we only stick like glue
because there are no others

you are all i need
you are all i need
i'm in the middle of the picture
lying in the leaves

it's all right
it's all wrong

morphine and percocets, antidepressants and antiemetics, robitussin and naproxen sodium and over-the-counter sedatives.

i never really understood what "haze" was until today, when i took the morphine for the first time.

it's sad that i had a full productive day, even though i was floating. driving was an interesting experience, i might not take my meds until i get to work tomorrow for fear that i might crash my car. when has anyone seen me be the "voice of reason"? never. that's when you know it's bad.

what's sad is that i'm not past the point of functionality. i just feel good. like, i wonder if i have many more medical problems than i previously thought, because i've never felt like this before - i have energy, i don't hurt all the time all over. i go to the gym. i wake up in the morning, as in before noon, and without an alarm clock. i sleep, oh dear god do i sleep. the opiates and sedatives probably have something to do with that. possibly maybe.

probably not.

but i've been so creative lately, and i don't want that to stop. drugs open the floodgates in my brain. i see why talented and creative people die from drugs - not because drugs make you creative or expand your mind or any of that shit. it's because they make you stop thinking, and they let ideas float to the surface of your mind like a magic eight ball. it's because drugs break down the filters and gates and protocols your brain sets in place.

ok, i'm out. i have nothing else new to say. maybe tomorrow i'll put up the things i've been scribbling in my notebooks for days now.

~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~

~*~ entries from 2002 ~*~ entries from 2003 ~*~ entries from 2004 ~*~ entries from 2005 ~*~ entries from 2006 ~*~ entries from 2007 ~*~ entries from 2008 ~*~ entries from 2009 ~*~


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