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~*~
the here and now. ~*~
the done and gone. ~*~
who am i? ~*~
find more like me ~*~
say something to me. ~*~
what they've said about me. ~*~
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get pretty. ~*~
everybody must get stoned...
2004-05-13, 5:30 a.m.
current mood: purple haze.
current song: fight test by the flaming lips.
i thought i was smart
i thought i was right
i thought it better not to fight
i thought there was a virtue
in always being cool
so when it came time to fight
i thought that i'll just step aside
and that time would prove you wrong
and that you would be the fool
i don't know where the sun beams end
and the starlight begins
it's all a mystery
oh, to fight is to defend
if it's not now then tell me when
would be the time that you would stand up and be a man
but to lose i could accept
but to surrender i just wet and regretted this moment
oh that i, i was the fool
i don't know where the sunbeams end
and the starlight begins
it's all a mystery
and i don't know how a man decides
what's right for his own life
it's all a mystery
cause i'm a man
not a boy
and there are things you can't avoid
you have to face them
when you're not prepared to face them
if i could i would
but you're with him now
it'd do no good
i should have fought him but instead i let him
i let him take it
i don't know where the sunbeams end
and the starlight begins
it's all a mystery
and i don't know how a man decides
what's right for his own life
it's all a mystery
i am stoned, stoned, stoned. i broke my "no-smoking-pot-because-it-makes-you-stupid" rule. it's a good thing that i had donut holes and mountain dew and the flaming lips and chrono cross and the curly one and the politician and darling chibi and bear, and no blowfish the mightier-than-thou boy scout. we played some movie trivia game which was 10x more fun because we were stoned, stoned, stoned. 3 bowls in 2 hours, then pizza and game, then one more before i walked home. i shouldn't have, and i'll regret it in the morning. i don't understand why i'm not tired - i should be sleeping like a junkie - so i'm updating for the first time in nearly a month. i've gotten nothing accomplished in said month. i quit my job. mom designed, ordered, and bought the fabric for my wedding dress. 2 feet down, 4 more to go, until i'm 6 feet under and there's nothing i can do about it. i just got done reading a book called the basic eight, it was excellent. i never saw the end coming. i haven't watched kenshin or oh! my goddess. somehow, i can't bear to. so i'm giving them both to wattsmander to give to the samurai; i think it's best i don't. i don't look good, and he'll see it. mr. scott is right, i am suffocating. i got in my car and drove for a bit while i was stoned. i put on the flaming lips' yoshimi battles the pink robots, got on 75 northbound, went to the luckey-haskins exit, turned around, and almost kept going south; to biloxi, nashville, bowling green, greenville, chattanooga...any where but here. somewhere i could start over again. somewhere i could run from all of this and never ever look back. texas? no, i should go to be alone, where i don't know anyone. san fransisco. fargo. boston. seattle. roanoke. ugh.
yeah. running isn't the answer, not for someone who's broke. then who would sit here and play happy housewife? i need to clone myself, and stat, so the whole world would finally get the fuck off my back. one for the blowfish, one for the high-roller, one for the samurai, two to work, one for the jew, one for dealing with my mother, and me; living on the island that the aquatic ape desendant panda bear is going to run. oh, one for diner boy, a couple for my college homies, and one for mr. guitar. who else wants one? i can't remember who i've promised them all to.
attention span...gone. time for video games.
~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~
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