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fleeting happiness is still happiness, i think. current song: try try try by the smashing pumpkins. pop tart what's our mission do we know but never listen for too long they held me under but i hear it's almost over in detroit on a memphis train like you said it's down in the heat and the summer rain of the automatic gauze of your memories down in the sleep at the airplane races try to hold on to this heart a little bit longer try to hold on to this love aloud try to hold on for this heart's a little bit colder try to hold on to this love paperback scrawl your hidden poems written around the dried out flowers here we are still trading places to try to hold on pop tart can you envision a free world of clear division for too long they held us under but i know we're getting over in detroit with the nashville tears like you said it's down in the heat with the broken numbers down in the gaze of solemnity down in the way you've held together to try to hold on to this heart a little bit closer try to hold on to this love aloud try to hold on for this heart's a little bit older try to hold on to this love aloud and we are still alive try to hold on and we have survived try to hold on and no one should deny we tried to hold onto the pulse of the feedback current into the flow of encrypted movement slapback kills the ancient remnants that try to hold on try to hold on to this heart alive try to hold on to this love aloud try to hold on and we are still alive try to hold on and we have survived try to hold on pop tart you never listen skinned knees try to hold on stop start what's our mission skinned knees try to hold on i don't know what it is about him, but i feel like i can tell him anything. maybe it's because it feels as though he understands. it's also because i think that we're very similar at points; he's been a lot of places i've been. he's felt a lot of the things that i've felt. i don't know. i don't usually like to open up about things because i don't want to burden anyone else with it, but for some reason when i get around him i just start talking. and he listens, and that's the best part. i don't want him to feel as though i'm annoying or anything, though...i do call and im him a lot. eh, i don't know. i am lindsay's unwavering depression, even amidst a sea of happiness. jeremy and i worked out a lot on friday after i got out of work. he's coming around, i think. maybe i am too. beth is right - he and i are both changing, but he's changing a lot faster than i am. regardless of that, jeremy is getting better at dealing with me, and i'm getting better at talking to him. i know he's scared of all sorts of things. i know that he worries that i'm going to leave, even though i never would. i know that his job is stressful, and he knows that mine is too. but i love him, regardless. and it's reassuring to know that he loves me, too. and now, here i am, wrapped in my stolen hospital blanket. i turned the heat down so the house is finally cold again. and i'm actually kind of tired, and i'm actually kind of happy. it's nice to be able to smile again, even for a moment. and i think that i'm going to smoke this last cigarette and lie down and sleep, so i can get up tomorrow at a reasonable time, so i can go to bed and get up for work on monday. i think that for the first time in my life i'm excited about getting up and going to work. my job makes me smile every day; even when i'm mad at dispatch, even when i hurt everywhere, and even when i have to lift someone who weighs twice what i do. and for that i am thankful, for i think that this job may very well be the salvation i have been seeking all these years. i'm getting poetic. time to go, my darlings. ~*~ immediate yesterday. ~*~ divination. ~*~ get your own guestbook here |
